Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
