I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
