After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
