god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
