toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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