is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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