haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
