You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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