if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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