she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
