Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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