I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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