College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
