He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
