Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
