im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
