She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
