Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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