I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
