So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
