I have demons in me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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