my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
