He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
