I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
