Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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