Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
