I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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