wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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