The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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