I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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