Acid is not a monday night drug
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
