What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
