Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
