My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
