Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
