So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
