so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
