This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
