I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
