If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
