Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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