he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I want to be your penis for a week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
