he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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