just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
