Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
