I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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