they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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