I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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