Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
