Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
