i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
