ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
