So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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