I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
