I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
