Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
