I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the day after is always just damage control
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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