is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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