I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
