if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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