My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
