I puked a lego.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
