my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Randomize
