I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
