I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
