I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize