dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
