I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize