I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
