just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
