I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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