"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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