Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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