Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
