$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
