Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
